T.I.I.S.

Note: I wrote this when I was 26 years old and submitted it to an inter-campus newspaper based in Katipunan called Kampus. The editor found this worthy to be published. Except for some minor changes, this is how the article appeared in Kampus. 

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I used to comfort myself by saying that I had something in common with Lea Salonga.

It's been a long time since college and I've yet to have a boyfriend. Ever. There was a time that I felt sorry for myself for being in this situation.

My all-girl high school barkada would have a Christmas dinner every year. It was fine during the first few years.

Back then, only two out of ten of us would have a boyfriend to bring along. But later on, as we moved to college then to professional life, many of my friends managed to find dates who eventually became their steady partners (who eventually became their husbands). The unattached circle thus became smaller and smaller.

I began receiving presents with gift tags that read "Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year from (Friend) and (Boyfriend)." (Incidentally, does the note on the tag mean that her boyfriend shared in paying for the gift?)

During group photo sessions—for lack of a masculine arm to link with—I found myself holding on to the four-foot plastic snowman by the doorway.

Valentine's Day, at least, is not so bad. There is something about the romantic season that lets out angst and sentimentality. One time in college, a sympathetic classmate gave out little neon-colored papers to tape to our shirts. We called these papers "body tags." And these body tags for Valentine's Day read, "T.I.I.S. ('Tang Ina I'm Single)" and "Hindi Ako Nag-iisang Nag-iisa." (Obviously inspired by the slogan of the supporters of the assassinated Sen. Ninoy Aquino whose slogan was "Hindi ka nag-iisa.") In the Day of Hearts, we, of the unattached species, realized that there is safety in numbers.

Of course, it's one thing to be unattached. But quite another to have yet to have a romantic relationship.

At reunions with college classmates, I get "interrogated." Not only once did I hear them ask, "So, may boyfriend ka na?"

"Wala pa," I say as if I need to say it.

"Bakit?" they ask as if they need to ask.

Honestly, I don't know for certain. Maybe it's because of the crazy world I decided to get into after graduation. Suffice it to say that my work is tough. The schedule is taxing. And the kind of men I usually meet are those who are, uhmmm... more interested in men. I asked my mom one time if it was still possible for me to get married. "Only if you change jobs," she replied.

Somebody theorized that it was probably because I prefer to keep my hair short. (Guys are said to like girls with long hair, he reiterated.)

Others suggested that I try putting on more makeup. (which I find a hassle to do), or acting more feminine (which I can't do). As for poise, I laugh out loud when I find something funny and I shriek and jump up and down when I am overjoyed. Wa-poise na kung wa-poise.

Call me unladylike if you want but "demure" is simply not me.

Or maybe it IS just me.

I consider myself more strong-willed and maybe sometimes braver than some guys. I see nothing wrong with asking out a guy who I find interesting. Just because I am a woman that doesn't mean I can't make the first move, right?

If I realize a guy is nice, then I tell him so. Sometimes, I write why I find him fascinating and share my thoughts with him. If I get rejected, I comfort myself by saying that at least I tried. Also, at least I know how guys feel when girls tell them, "I'm sorry I'm busy."

I've come to appreciate how politely creative some guys could be when it comes to declining an invitation. I've been thrown lines like, "I don't go out on Fridays because I have a TV show to catch," and "I would like to go out with you but kailangan kong mamalengke."

It might take time before I find my one true love, but I am sure that he's somewhere out there.

Around the corner. Around the bend. Or way down the road of life. And I know in my heart that he will take me as I am because I will accept him for whoever he is. He will be someone I will love and respect. 

I just hope I'd meet him very soon. 

I used to comfort myself by saying that I have something in common with Lea Salonga. Now, as we all know, the coach of The Voice of the Philippines is already married with a daughter.