Man of My Dreams

For many years now, I've been writing down my dreams in a journal. By dreams I don't mean my life aspirations, although the word is also synonymous to that. By dreams, I mean the images, the "movie" I see when I am asleep.

I dream very often. There are times I remember what I saw in my sleep and I am able to capture, to document these scenes in writing. I have dreamt of my mom who passed away; the more recent dreams about my mom have me and my mom doing activities together like trying on formal clothes and attending a party.

But this morning, I dreamt of a man I have had a fondness for. I have dreamt about him previously, some dreams about him I was able to recount in my journal.

You could say he is truly the man of my dreams. Not just in my sleeping life but in my waking life. He is kind, loving, honest, and he is passionate about what he does. He is insightful. During the first few times we talked I realized that I enjoy talking with him and told him so. "Thank you," I said. "It's rare to have deep and meaningful conversations with someone."

To cut a long story short, this man and I are friends (at least I'd like to think so), though I have long wished that we could be more. Alas, that wish is still a wish.

Back to my dream.

This morning's dream about him, (let's call him "C") was so vivid. Here's what I wrote in my dream journal:

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I was in a restaurant with many people. I was with my friends from high school. I think I was wearing a white top and a white skirt. (What can I say? I dream in detail!)

I went out of the restaurant and when I returned I was so shocked because I saw C sitting beside a woman with short hair. She wore nice fashion earrings. And on C's lap, there was a baby whom he was feeding with a milk bottle.

I was so shocked. (Okay, I already said that.) I think C did not see me because he continued talking with the lady. I noticed that C and the lady were sitting far from each other. (Social distancing?) Or maybe it was because C had a baby on his lap and that's why the lady could not sit close to him.

I felt distraught.

I asked my female friend if she noticed that C was right there. And my friend answered in the negative. Why would she notice? She doesn't know C.

I walked around the restaurant like a headless chicken. I even wanted to ask the waiter if he knew anything about C and the lady. But I kept my mouth shut. I had some dignity and some sensibility left within me.

[I was going to say "Would a waiter know?" On hindsight, they do. Waiters are keen observers. This part is real: I remember a time I met a guy for late night drinks at Congo Grille in St. Francis Square and when my date stood up to go to the restroom, our waiter chatted with me a bit. He remembered that I interviewed actress Iza Calzado at Mario's Kitchen in Galleria earlier that year. This waiter knew because he was the one who attended to Iza and me.]

Anyway, back to my dream again —So I walked around the restaurant. I didn't know where to go or what to do because I saw C out on a date with a woman.

And then I realized my bag was missing. I didn't know where I left my bag, forgotten where I placed it because of my confusion. I felt I had lost something very valuable.

And then I saw C stepping out of the restroom. He wiped his hands on a towel. He saw me and didn't avoid me. In fact, he talked with me.

He said he heard me talking to my female friend.

Then I replied, "Was my voice too loud?"

Instead of answering the question directly, he mimicked how I talked to my female friend and repeated the question I uttered to her, word for word.

And then we walked together. I guess he was going back to his table.

I remember we walked closely, side by side, shoulder to shoulder.

Then I said, "What do you want me to do? If you tell me to drop out of your life, I will."

We reached a part of the restaurant with a short flight of stairs, a set of few steps with a railing.

When C and I got there, we stopped walking. And then C did the most surprising thing.

He faced me and, in a tender voice, said a prayer of thanks for our friendship.

Just like that, I admired him even more. And then I said to myself, "How can I give up on him?"
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I woke up feeling happy, free, and with a sense of clarity. St. Joseph I am not, but I believed God was speaking to me in my dream.